I was wakened by subtle sounds of tape being ripped from its roll. as i curl up under the covers into my prone caterpillar position i hear the inflation sound of air whooshing into rubber. after a few minutes my bedroom door swings open, i grab the handle of my machete under my pillow (not that i'd ever use it, its just a Z-day precaution). its obvious the person's trying to be quiet, mild shuffling sounds emerge and they exit, more tape sounds. after a long time of silence I slide my head out of my cocoon.
Through the led light of my router, i see my room is filled with dozens and dozens of balloons. i roll back over and sleep some more.
Second time I'm wakened by the phone. like a dreary Frankenstein I rise up to answer it and kick my way through the balloons to open my bedroom door, its been completely sealed off with packing tape and cellophane. i find myself trapped inside what looks like a serial killer clown's bedroom by a wrinkled force field.
Today is my birthday.


my horoscope said: "You can now look forward to a time in your life where you will have a greater sense of confidence and trust in yourself. As your birthday brings you a sense of renewal and hope, you will find that you are listening more to your inner voice, relying on yourself for a sense of guidance and direction rather than looking to others for answers. Though this might seem scary at first, as the year goes on you will grow more and more comfortable with these changes and wonder what took you so long to make them. Your next steps in life will grow more clear by the middle of February as you complete old projects and make room for new options to arise."

couldn't have said it better myself random internet psychic. I've got to go to work today and pretend like i give a shit about being there when there's so much more to do. Today is a day of mischief and pleasure, nothing short of a missing appendage is going to cease this mood. I've been sulking around for the past week or so (predictably of course, this happens every year before the 26th) all part of my "what does it all mean" bit, and now the clarity of such beleaguering questions has drowned all doubt away. I know what my purpose is, Im an artist, I create worlds and express myself using my mind and various tools in hopes enriching my world and life from it. Most people dont know what the meaning of life is, i suppose mine is simply "to be". Of course with the coming of every birthday i evaluate my accomplishments of the prior year. i even made a list which i was going to incorporate into some kind of art piece but instead threw it away


The things i was proud of accomplishing this past year before today (in no particular order):

+painting teacher at a coffeehouse

+finished a 20ft long Route 66 mural

+got to play DJ at a warehouse party and composed my own music

+dated a porn star

+Helped fund a techno rave built from scratch

+got a haircut for the first time since i was prepubescent

+learned to play the guitar and not suck

+stopped a fight using only my words

+was in a car wreck, i now know what it feels like

+participated in a handful of artistic yet highly illegal activities which broadened my secular derision of the world

+gave blood and bled all over the clinic

+killed something using a katana *it was a wasp, i felt like a badass*

+prevented a suicide using art

+painted a naked woman, not painting a picture of one, but physically painted ON the woman. childhood dream come true!

+noticed i was front page in a local newspaper for my painting exhibit at a nearby library

+successfully avoided burning, striking, or de-limbing any of my fellow employees when i worked at whataburger (very large accomplishment for anyone who's had to work the fast food jobs)

+told a couple of my closest members of my life that i loved them before they died this year

+came to terms with my first love and all the dormant issues i've kept inside myself for so many years....i think the word is closure.

And +FINALLY starting my comic after years of simply talking about it and not getting the courage to draw it.

that last one hasnt reached fruition yet, but its been a big deal for me for a long time. this comic has been a large part of who i am, all the characters are graphite facsimiles of who i am, what ive accomplished, and where i want to go. and the reason i mention it is because i distinctly remember telling myself "if i dont have this comic published by the time im 22 im going to kill myself". Now i realize i was simply not ready both mentally and artistically to make it happen... but enough talk about it, when im ready it'll be my gift to the world and i hope you all enjoy it. or hate it, whatever.

I've got alot of work to do before im dead mark my words, so much art and only one name needs to be on it, mine. who cares if all the ideas in the world are taken and its all been done before, if you haven't done it yourself then it hasn't been done right. So today lets make something beautiful out of nothing.


oh yeah just for funzies i got some presents already
custom-made ramen bowls with chopsticks
Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days (making it 179 days wouldn't it?)
enough fake gold on gaia online to make my avi look like Pyramid Head
a magical cup of coffee
my dad's patented "big box of crap" containing candy, lighters, socks, reading lights, art supplies, air horns, etc.
awkward phone conversation with my mom
birthday cake riddled with gravestones, pumpkins, bats, spiders, looks like halloween threw up all over it. delicious! black icing is the best, and it makes your lips look like a drowning victim

but the best stuff is yet to come, cant wait till i get off work!
(fun fact: i found out me and Hillary Clinton have the same birthday.....its all starting to make sense now)